Fullmetal Alchemist 4kids style
by Muten Azuki
Summary: How would 4kids edit Fullmetal alchemist? I've written some of their 'minor' edits. Aren't you lucky? New theme song included! Flames welcome!
1. The akward Censoring

**What if 4Kids did the Editing of Fullmetal Alchemist? I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist at all. It is owned by Viz media, funimation, Hiromu Arakawa, and all other registered trademar holders. This fanfic is manga based. It really isn't even a fanfic...oh well. Hopefully no one else has done this. It wouldn't surprise me if they did. Big deal.**

First of all Father is no longer called father. He is now called The all Powerful Evil Pat. The name gets it root from Paternal. This way children don't begin to think that their father is evil. Actually we are changing it to The all Powerful Nice Pat, because being Evil is bad.

Ed no longer curses, instead he shouts other cool phrases and words such as gee wilikers and bleepin. Here is a example: Roy says "Ed you are a midget" and Ed replies by saying "You are so gee wiliken annoying!"

Envy wears pants instead of a skirt in order to keep boys from becoming crossdressers

No one ever bleeds. Ed doesn't bleed halfway to death while in laboratory 5, so instead of complaining about losing too much blood he will randomly complain about having to use the restroom.

We changed our mind. The chapters involving Laboratory 5 were too graphic so we are going to remove them altogether.

Pinako has a pipe which blows bubbles

Bubbles are toxic. Pinako smokes nothing

No one makes fun of Eds' height because that would make short children feel inferior

Havoc doesn't smoke a cigarette, instead he has a twig in his mouth because he is a hick

We are changing Havoc and Fuery's names because they promote violence. They are now Billy and Tim.

Whenever Ed uses the word ass we will replace it with buttock, or just get rid of the whole sentence...heck we may as well get rid of the whole chapter. Why? Because we are 4kids

We will now name all of the attacks of the characters. Example: When scar uses his right arm of daisies(see next sentence) he will say *boom boom no explosion*. Cool huh?

Scars' right arm of destruction is now called right arm of daisies, because when he attacks people they bleed daisies. For instance, Scar attacks Shou Tucker. When the military finds him, he will be covered in pretty flowers

No one ever dies. Death just frightens children

Ed and Al's mom never died...she was abducted by aliens

Aliens are bad so Ed and Al's mom never existed

Ed and Al tried to create their own mother because they were lonely. The created mother will not look disfigured at all because disfigured people look creepy...never mind that, we're just going to get rid of that chapter all together.

Al will no longer like cats, because cats have claws and sharp fangs which promote violence

We are removing Al from the entire series because talking suits of armour give kids nightmares, even if they have childish voices

Hughes never dies because when 4kids edits something no one dies. Instead Envy tricked him into an all expense trip to hawaii.

The military and Riza will no longer have real guns. Instead they will have nerf guns.

King Bradly, Lin, etc will no longer have swords. Instead they will have sticks.

King Bradly, Lin, etc will no longer have sticks because they are still menacing. They will now have giant pixxie stix

Lanfan's name is now Sheila. Because Lanfan doesn't appeal to westerners

Lin's name is now Dan. Because it also doesn't appeal to westerners

There no longer is a military, because that promotes violence

Izumi's name is now Susie, because Izumi doesn't appeal to westerners

Izumi no longer vomits blood because vomit is gross

Izumi's child never died, because babies should never die

Winry doesn't hit people with real wrenches. She now uses balloon ones.

Roy doesn't use Flames, because fire is scary. He now snaps his fingers really loud.

Roy doesn't make loud noises by snapping, because loud noises are scary.

Ed never reads books, because they promote...er...never mind

Bald's name is now hairy, and he has hair, because bald people scare children

Bald was mean and he hurt people. So we will just remove all of those chapters.

Ed's arm and leg are no longer made of steel, because steel can be used for weapons. Ed's automail is now invisible.

Ed never gets hurt mentally or physically. Ed always does the right thing and acts in a perfect manner. We scorn imperfect protagonist. Children should only look up to superman.

Breda is scared of dogs. Dogs are cute. We are removing Breda.

Selim is a creepy kid who attacks adults. We are removing Selim

There was no civil war. War is bad

Little boys think that girls are icky, so we are removing all women.

Sinning is bad, so the homunculi will be named after something else.

Gluttony is fat. Children shouldn't become fat. We are removing Gluttony

All chapters involving the homunculi will be removed.

Tim Marcoh is old. Old people are...old. We are removing him

The little comics at the end of the volumes are funny. Humor is bad. We are removing them

Fullmetal Alchemist is too hard for children to say. The new title is completely steel chemist who bases his works on an archaic science.

Hohenheim was a horrible father. He no longer exist.

We think that the story is way too dark for children. We will now give them free book lights.

The devil's nest is now called the birds nest

There was no Ishbalin extermination

The chimera that work under Greed will now be removed because they are...chimera?

Armstrong doesn't have enough sparkles. He now does

Armstrong is extremely muscular. Muscular people make other people feel inferior. He is now Fat, but fat people are bad so we are removing armstrong

And those are just a few minor edits we thought were necessary. Don't worry it's still worth reading.


	2. The new Theme Song

"There once was a humonculus named Father, who was the Father of the Villians.

He had Envy, Pride, Sloth, Gluttony, Lust, Greed, and Wrath beyond your wildest dreams.

Before he killed off an entire civilization, these were the final words he said.

"You're all insects! Die!"

Yo!

Ya-yo Ya yo!

Transmutin', don't give it up Edward.

Burnin', don't give it up Roy-o.

Cross Dressin', don't give it up Envy!

Explodin', blow it up blow it up blow it up blow it up blow it up Scar-o!

Here's how the story goes we find out, about a midget in Amestris there's no doubt.

The alchemist whose eyes on it he'll sing "I'll get my body back! Isn't that great Winry?"

Ya-yo Ya-yo Ya-yo, uh-oh.

His name is Edward (that's Edward Shorty Elric)

Goin' to be normal again.

He's really short (How did that happen)

Yo-ho-ho, he didn't drink his milk

Ya-yo Ya yo

His names Roy-o, he's just like an old perv

And a F.R.E.A.K, Envy's a guy.

Scar's doing that judgement thing, Al's complaining, Armstrong's flexing

Ya-yo Ya-yo Ya-yo, uh-oh

Set sail for The philosiphers stone, it's the name of a rock

Created by killing people.

Ya-yo, Ya-yo let's look for the Philosiphers stone!


	3. We've been bought by 4kids

**A Deal**

Now this is the chapter all about how

FMA got flipped, upside down

And I'd like to waste your time so just sit right there

So I can tell you how 4kids got us kicked off the air.

-

In the west it was funimation where I was born and raised

Adult Swim is where I spent most of my days

Bleeding and cussing and acting real cool

While watching Hawkeye shoot some dumb fool

When a couple of guys who acted really rude

Started censoring everything including 'brotherhood'

I tried to set them right when funimation got scared

They said "Holy Crap it's 4kids they're mentally impaired"

-

We had a lawsuit with them day after day

Eventually they bought us and forced us to follow their ways

They gave Havoc a twig because they said he's a hick

Then Ed said "Shut up. You're all acting like pricks"

-

They took out words which Ed liked to say

In the hopes that it wouldn't get worse, he actually prayed

Is this what they do to animes like us

I'd really love to get off the censorship bus

-

But I hear they pay well, good benefits and all that

I asked them if I could finally buy a pet cat

I don't think so

I'll see when I get paid

Hopefully I'll get more than minimum wage

-

The bus eventually stopped, and the driver said "have a good day"

Then 4kids said "We don't allow blood by the way."

Well that's just depressing

No way in hell

I tried to get away, but then I tripped and fell

-

They whistled for a man and when he came near

His name tag said beer and he looked kinda weird

He took away our alcohol and things of the such

And then I thought "Isn't that a little too much"

-

I was completely censored by seven or eight

They looked at us and said we looked great

I looked at myself

and finally realized

"I'm not FMA anymore, my fangirls will cry"

**If you never realised, this was a parody of the prince of Bel air opening.**


End file.
